Recently I came across a thread on /v/ and it was full of people reminiscing about the fun times they had on this site. It made me feel bad about how slow Newgrounds has gotten and how I've done nothing to help. The announcement that the NG Store was going down has hit me really hard too.
I stumbled upon this place in 2007 looking for addicting games and sprite animations. I only made an account so I could write a review for some games that had level editors. But after getting permanently banned from Pixeltendo (after less than a month of use), I needed a new place to go. I went on Gaiaonline and some 3D chat site, but they never kept me interested enough to stay online for long periods of time.
When I began to use Newgrounds more, I was hoping I would become internet famous overnight. But it's 2014 and I have done nothing towards that goal. So mostly all I did was get in fights and look for sprite flashes. Since the last site I mained before Newgrounds was Gaiaonline, I was a whiny sensitive little twat and I can't even look back at my old newsposts without cringing. The Newgrounds community set me straight and I learned not to cry over every ban and mean name I get called. I still remember the fight I had with PURELYMAD99, I remember the racist thread I derailed with Cericon, and I remember all those times I argued with yurgenburgen about religion, and I feel like participating in those fights had made me a better person. Not only did it desensitize me to insults, but it led me to accept that people will keep to their opinions no matter how hard you badger them. And it's better to just let them wallow in differing opinions than to get into arguments that last days, weeks, months, or in PURELYMAD99's case, years.
I spent five great years of my life on this site and since the update in 2012 I've only logged in just to deposit experience, crack a few jokes (jokes that only I find funny), then leave.
I hate that my only contributions to the site have been some half assed submissions that I didn't spend more than a few hours working on. The only other thing I've contributed are some shitposts on the BBS. But even the shitposts I'm proud of have been deleted.
There were so many interesting threads I missed out on, they could have been perfect threads for me to make friends. It seems like the most interesting things happened on Newgrounds when I was banned from the BBS. I could have ignored those spam threads and lurked in the Stickam chat thread instead. I could have spent time learning Flash. But instead I chose to feed the trolls, write abusive reviews, and unban PURELYMAD99 just to ban him again. I regret every chance I missed to make friends. I regret every project I announced and then gave up on.
I wonder why these past two years on NG have been so boring, then I remember it's because I haven't done anything to make my time here more fun. There are people who have been here for a few months that have a better reputation than me. Even still, I act high and mighty with every post I make. I try to make my custom pictures as flashy as I can to look important, but I know it just makes me look like a leech AND a prick.
I want to contribute to the site, I really do. But I lack the dedication to finish a single flash I start, I lack the musical talent to make my own songs (unless there is actually some unfortunate tone deaf person who enjoyed this pathetic excuse for a 100 subscriber milestone video), the only art form I'm good at is image editing, but I wouldn't feel right altering other people's creations and calling it my own work. Even if the Literature Portal became a thing, the only literature I am proud of is a very lazy mock fanfiction.
I'm not going anywhere and hopefully neither is Newgrounds. But if it is, I just want to say thanks for all the good times. I don't have lots of money right now, but I will make sure to buy a supporter pass whenever I can. It's the least I can do.