The weights made a dull clanking sound as I pressed them together over my head, before I let them sink down to begin anew. To my left was my best friend since childhood, Buizel, was watching with keen interest. I brought him to the gym to try to teach him how to work out, but he spent less time sweating and more time watching me sweat. It's all for the best, I suppose. One trip to the gym wasn't gonna make a him superman, and it would probably be best for him if he actually learned the proper motions through watching, rather than screw up his joints the working wrong way. I pushed the weights together one last time and then set them back on the rack.
"Ready to go?" I asked him when he eagerly jumped up from the bench he was sitting on. He nodded to me, and we walked towards the locker room. I was eager to get out of my sweaty clothing. Buizel's on the other hand, was drier than the Sahara Desert. I felt eyes on me as I peeled my exercising shirt off my sticky body, and stuffed it in my backpack. Buizel handed me a towel which I used to wipe my face down.
I opted to walk home without putting a shirt on, hoping to catch some Vitamin D rays for my skin. We walked home in silence, Buizel lagging behind my quick strides. Finally, we reached my house, a tall two-story building painted light brown. I grabbed the key hiding under a plant and unlocked the heavy wood door, pushing it aside. I kicked off my shoes to the side and walked up the stairs to the bedroom where Buizel and I would be sleeping.
"You have a sleeping bag I can use?" Buizel asked. I was a bit shocked to hear him speak after about an hour of silence.
"No, didn't you bring one?" I replied a bit confused as to why he would come to a sleepover without a sleeping bag.
"Nah, I wasn't thinking... but you do have a twin bed? That'll be fine I guess."
I wasn't sure as to what he was guessing at, but I highly doubted the twin bed would support the two of us comfortably. Whatever my weasel-like friend was up to, it probably wouldn't be too harmful. Buizel wouldn't hurt a fly.
"Anyway," Buizel continued, "I'm starving; you got anything good to eat?"
I thought to myself for a few moments. We had some microwaveable dinners in the freezer, as well as supplies for sandwiches, burgers, macaroni and cheese...
"Yeah, what do you want?"
"Hmmm..." Buizel thought out loud. Usually that irks me slightly, but for some reason I don't mind it when Buizel does it. "Hot dogs sound really nice right now..."
I thought back to the kitchen again, there were some buns in the pantry, as well as hot dogs in the fridge. The pack was opened a few days ago so they were probably still fresh.
"Yeah, we have hot dogs, wanna go get them now?"
"Okay."
I dropped my backpack onto the bed and grabbed a shirt under a pile of dirty clothing from my hamper. It still smelled clean.
The two of us walked back down the stairs and into the kitchen. We made quick work of the hot dogs, mine was plain, Buizel made his into what he called a "hot dog sandwich" which consisted of two hot dogs, cheese, mayonnaise, and ketchup all in one bun. I didn't understand the point, which I made clear at him.
"Why not just make a normal sandwich?" I asked.
He replied, "Hot dogs make it taste better, besides, they are more fun!"
Of course, this didn't help his case at all, and I was even more confused than ever. The rest of the day quickly passed, with the help of video games, and soon it was nearly eight o'clock! It was around this time that the phone rang for me. It was my mom, telling me that she and my father would be staying at a hotel. I guess they forgot about Buizel coming over, but I wasn't about to guilt trip them home, after all, no parents means no bedtime! Not that any sleeping is done at sleepovers...
Buizel seemed happy that my parents weren't coming home for some reason, but he's normally cheerful, so I don't see anything wrong with that. Either way, he seemed dead set on going in the hot tub we have out back.
"Go on ahead, I'll meet you there," I said, "I have to clean my room up anyways."
The Pokémon trotted down the stairs, and I started cleaning my room. Everything on the floor went into the closet, and everything on the desk went into a bag, which then went into the closet. Now that that was out of the way, I could go down and relax in the hot tub with Buizel. I pulled off the shirt I temporarily put on and threw it back into the hamper. Digging through my closet, I found an old pair of swim trunks that looked like they hadn't been used in 5 years. Tentatively I put them on. They looked like speedos, rather than shorts, and my balls felt like they were gonna explode. Looks like I'll be using boxers instead.
Buizel had left the door to the patio open a crack, and there was already two towels set out on the bench nearby. His shirt and pants were strewn across the deck, along with the hot top cover. I could see his orange figure soaking in the warm water from the door, and I hopped in, splashing water everywhere.
That's when I realized it. If Buizel didn't have a sleeping bag, why would he have swimming trunks? And when would he change into them? I doubted he wore them under his clothing at the gym, so is he in his underwear like I am? I chanced a look down. The water blurred my vision, but as far as I could tell, there wasn't a discoloration that I would expect from clothing. He was naked. And I was in the hot tub with him.
"DUDE!" I yelled, jumping out of the tub as fast as the water would allow me. It seemed like it wanted to suck me into its depths. Buizel opened his eyes.
"What's the problem?" he asked innocently. The moment he looked at me with his wide brown eyes I felt guilty for yelling.
"Yo-you're naked!" I half-screamed half-whispered.
"Well, duh," he replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Hot tubs feel the best nude."
I couldn't argue with this as I had never tried it before, but I was sure if I said something like that he'd force me to strip down. I had to attack this from a different angle.
"But it would be gay to be in a hot tub with another dude who's nude," I said confident that my reasoning was solid.
"Nu-uh!" Uh-oh. "It's only gay if you kiss!" Actually, I was pretty damn sure two guys naked in a hot tub was gay, but I didn't feel like arguing, and the wind was starting to chill me to the bone. I slipped back in the hot tub, on the side furthest from Buizel. He seemed a little hurt so I moved a bit closer to him, till I glanced underwater and moved back.
"Come on..." Buizel whined, "I'm going commando, why don't you join me?" He gave me THAT look. I couldn't resist it. I reached for the brim of my boxer shorts, hooking them with my thumbs and gently pulled down exposing my waistline. Buizel stared at me the entire while, my face lighting up like a candle.
"I-I can't do it..." I muttered, more to myself than him. He floated closer and put his hand on my thigh.
"Need a hand?" he whispered into my ear, his whiskers tickling my lobe and his sultry voice sending shudders down my spine.
"N-no..." I whimpered. I was supposed to be the strong one. But why was I so weak?
"Come on, we're friends aren't we?" I felt the tip of his tongue flick my ear. "Can't friends help each other out?"
His furry paw slid its way up my leg, narrowly avoiding my crotch and wrapping around my boxer's waistband.
"I-I, uh, think the heat has gone to your head, man..." I blabbered, pushing his hand away and getting out of the hot tub. He begins to get out and I rushed to grab his towel, tossing it at him and turning away quickly. The reflection in the window told me that he had covered himself up, so I picked up his clothing, draped myself in a towel, and dashed upstairs, looking for some clothing he could wear before he got up here.
My door began to creak open and I grabbed the closest thing I could find, the gym shorts I was wearing this afternoon, and tossed them too him. He grabbed them wordlessly and wandered off to the restroom to change. I have to sit down, my head hurts.
Idly I massaged my aching temples as thoughts raced beneath them. Could Buizel be gay? How could I have not known for all these years? No, he's probably not gay... right? Should I ask him? Is that too direct? What if he isn't and he gets mad? Why's he taking so long in the bathroom? Should I check on him? Did I hurt his feelings? Why do I feel so guilty? I can't stand just sitting here; I gotta get up and walk around.
I stood up, and then sat back down, indecisive on what I should do. He was still in the restroom, how long has it been? Three minutes, five, ten? I better go see what's going on.
I opened the door to my room and walked down the hall to the bathroom. The door was ajar so I looked through the crack to see what he was doing. I nearly fell forward in shock. One hand was pressing my gym shorts to his face while the other was gripping his pink cock. I reared back and smacked my head against the wall.
I woke up on my bed with Buizel's concerned face hovering over mine, his wet nose a fraction of an inch away from my own. My head felt like someone took a frying pan too it.
"W-what happened?" I moaned through the pain, attempting to sit up, but Buizel simply held me down.
"You fell off the bed," he replied, "I'm not sure how, but you sure as hell did it!" His voice just added to the headache.
"I thought I was in the hallway because you were taking so long to get dressed..." My memory was still foggy.
"Well, I was in the bathroom trying to get my fur dry so I wouldn't ruin your clothing when I heard this big THUMP!" He smacked his fist into his paw in a crude imitation of the sound. "Quickly, I shoved myself into your pants, and ran back here, to find you on the floor. You've been out for about 20 minutes now..."
I tried to move my arm, but Buizel had it pinned at my side.
"I... uhh... have a confession..." He said, face flushed enough that his blush tinted his fur.
"Y-yeah?" My head still hurt.
"I... I... uhh... n-never mind."
Although confused, I didn't press the issue on the fact that my head still felt like a pile of bricks had fallen onto it. Buizel let go of my arm, and I was able to sit back up. The back of my head had a nice bulge on it from my fall, but other than that and the headache, I felt fine. And besides, I have to be a good host for my guest.
"Wanna go downstairs and watch some T.V.?" I asked, the T.V. would be a good substitute host until I got back on my feet.
Buizel hefted me up onto his shoulder with surprising strength and started to pull my downstairs. By the time I recovered from dizziness, we had reached our sparsely furnished living room. The only thing that the room had in it was a television stand, and a worn loveseat, brown felt. My body took up a good amount of the couch, so Buizel offered to sit on the carpeted floor for me. It didn't take long for my senses to realign themselves with the world, and my headache began subsiding. Somehow Buizel could tell I was feeling better, and he was back to his normal, bubbly self.
"Can I sit on the chair too? There isn't a very good view from down here..."
I condensed my space to half the loveseat, and Buizel climbed up onto the couch. His hand rested on my knee as he excitedly explained the parts of the show I missed in my pseudo-coma. Looks like his odd time in the hot tub was just a symptom of the heat. I looked down at him, his cute face, bright brown eyes... I think I hit my head harder than I thought. But still, I got the feeling that I was forgetting something important.
"Aww... it's over..."
"Okay then," I said, taking charge of what we were gonna do once again. "Let's take a shower, and play video games until we pass out."
"Kay," Buizel chirped cheerfully, "but you know, if we just take one shower we'll have time for even more games!"
That nagging feeling on the back of my mind reappeared. I was supposed to be remembering something...
"The shower's too small for that," I replied.
"What about your parents? Isn't that one bigger?"
Does he know my house better than I do or something?
"Wait here," he said, "I'll grab your shampoo!"
I didn't even give him an answer as to yes or no yet... I pulled myself off the sorry excuse for a couch, and stumbled towards my parent's bathroom. Buizel was already in there, turning on the shower, heating it up, gesturing for me to get in. I took a step forward, but he pushed me back. Confused, and still a bit disoriented, I let him move me out of the way and begin to strip me down. I was still shirtless from the hot tub, but I had put on new, dirty, boxer shorts. It was when his fuzzy paw brushed against my navel that I remembered what was happening.
"Wait-a-minute!" I yelled louder than I intended, the echo bouncing back and forth against the bathroom walls. "Tell me Buizel. Are you gay?"
I had him pressed against the wall, my hands holding his wrists above his head. He squirmed a bit and his eyes grew watery. I almost let my guard down, almost released him. But then I remembered him taking a long time in the bathroom, him with my shorts pressed up against his nose. "Tell. Me." I repeated.
"Does it matter?" he whimpered to me, his teary brown eyes looking up at me. "Besides, I-I told you it's not gay unless you kiss..."
I sighed and released my grip on him. "Fine, let's get this shower over with so we don't waste any more time or water."
I pulled my boxers off unceremoniously and stepped under the flow of warm water; my head injury's pain felt like it washed away under the stream. A second later the door opened again and Buizel tiptoed into the shower with me, his eyes looking everywhere but at me.
"W-want some help washing your back? I do you, you do me?" he stuttered. I figured I might as well try to mend our strained friendship and accepted his offer. I sat down on the floor, Buizel behind me toying with the shampoo before pouring a glob on his paws and massaging it into my head and back, making sure not to bump where my bump was.
His furry hands slowly worked their way lower and lower down my back, scrubbing suds into them then rinsing them off with handfuls of water.
"O-ok... do me now..."
He turned around so his back faced me. I went to grab some shampoo, but he stopped me, handing me my own shampoo.
"Your hair smells nice... I wanna smell like that too..."
I shrugged and gathered a good lather before diving my fingers into his soft fur. As an otter-like Pokémon, he had two layers of oily fur to keep warm, a rougher outer coat, orange as a Solrock, and a fluffier undercoat which was soft like a Flareon's tail. I felt his body shudder underneath my menstruations as my hands dipped lower and lower. Buizel was on his hands and knees now, his ass pointing at me, tails covering his genitals. I pulled the shower head off the wall and set it to massage, washing the suds out with a beating barrage of water. I finished washing his back, and he grabbed the shower head from me.
"You ready to go back upstairs?" I asked, having wasted as much time in one shower as we would have been there two.
"O-one second!" he said, his voice a higher pitch than normal. He had his back turned to me so I couldn't see what he was doing with his hands or the shower head. The water squeaked off. "Can you hand me that towel?" he asked, now unashamed of his nudity, like he had been before in the hot tub.
I picked up a towel he had lain on the counter top and handed it to him which he dried himself off with quickly. Glancing at the clock I noticed it was nearly midnight.
"I don't think we're gonna get much gaming in tonight, Buizel..." I said sadly, "Let's just hit the hay."
We both walked up the stairs without our usual enthusiasm. My adrenaline rush had worn off, and Buizel just seemed to run out of juice. The bed seemed inviting me in and I flopped on top of the covers just about ready to pass out. A lone claw traced a path down my side to the sweatpants I put on for sleeping.
"We don't have to go to bed just yet..." Buizel said, his voice dripping with lust. This time, his paws didn't take a detour and went straight for the waistband of my pants. "I-I really like you... c-can't you see that?" His paw ducked underneath the band and brushed against my crotch, thankfully not touching anything private. Yet.
"P-please Buizel..." What is it about him that makes me so powerless...?
"I know you want it..." he moaned into my ear, as his furry paw grasped my cock. I jolted in shock. A second paw followed the first, rubbing my sack. As if hypnotized, I found myself becoming aroused and removing our pants. Why is he so irresistible? "I just want to be with you..." he groaned, pulling himself on top of me. I'm glad the lights are out; I don't even want to look at myself. My cock was fully erect now, throbbing hard in my best friend's hand. My own reached up and touched Buizel's; it too was hard and moist. He gasped as I stroked it lightly.
"Buizel... I-"
"Shhh..." His hand left my sack and grabbed my free one, pulling it behind him to cup his ass. "Just like that..." I knew what he wanted from me. But could I really give it to him? Another shudder down my spine as I felt a wet tongue lick the tip of my member. Yes. Yes I could. I felt his cold nose press into my bellybutton as he engulfed my dick in his warm mouth, his tongue ran circles around my shaft, and my cock twitched as the vibrations from the moans tickled it. My hand's rubbed the area behind Buizel's ears, making him purr affectionately. Slowly a pressure built beneath my groin and my groans got louder. With a loud slurp, Buizel lifted his head off my cock, the cool air blowing away my near orgasm.
"W-why'd ya stop?" I whined, my dick still pulsing with heat and yearning for a release. My response him grabbing my hand, and putting three fingers into his mouth.
He talked through them, "Gotta get'em nice and slick..." he muttered. His nubile tongue circling my fingertips like a snake coiling its prey. He sat closer on my chest now, his pink cock drooling drops of pre onto me as he suckled my fingers. With a wet shlick, cold air once again reached my fingers that still yearned for Buizel's moist mouth. "Now we bring 'em back and..."
He pulled my hand behind him; I felt a breeze as he swished his tails around. My fingertip prodded a fleshy area beneath the tails, Buizel eagerly guided them on. "I-is that your..." I fearfully started to say before he shoved himself onto my hand, with a sharp moan. A ring of muscle rhythmatically pulsed around the base of my finger, clenching and loosening, clenching and loosening. I attempted to pull out for a second, but Buizel forced me back in, along with a second fingertip.
My cock ashamedly throbbed as Buizel thrust himself on my fingers, with a third one joining the mix. "N-now move them a-around!" he muttered; a large puddle of pre had formed on my stomach. That'd be hell to clean off. Still, I followed his orders, scissoring my fingers around in his ass, pushing on the warm walls of flesh. "Ah! O-okay... s-st-stop n-now..." He could hardly form a sentence, be it from pleasure or something else. He pulled himself off my fingers who now missed his warm ass. At the same time, my own cock wanted in on the goodies. I sat up and pushed Buizel under me, he "Eep"ed in surprise.
I scooped up the copious amount of pre-cum that had drizzled onto my stomach, coating my cock in it with a few quick strokes that breathed a new life into it. I crawled into position, pointing my dick at his hole, teasing the tip in. "Do you want it?" I moaned into his here, silently adding to myself "as much as I do?" He struggled to squirm down and push himself on my member. I pulled the tip out slightly, resting my cockhead under his balls. "Well?" I muttered, allowing one of my hands to release him to caress his curving sides.
"P-please... do me..." He whined, obviously eager for something warm, hard and attached to me. I didn't need to be told twice, my cock yearned for his hole as much as he yearned for me. I reared back and bent forward, prodding at his fleshy entrance. Three... Two... One... Thrust.
Immediately he yelped in surprise as I pushed in, my cock bigger than three fingers. Tears welled up in his eyes. I leaned forward and nuzzled against his head as I plowed into his clenching hole. His arms wrapped around me, pulling himself up and rubbing his soft fur against my still sticky stomach and chest.
"I've wanted this for so long," he whimpered into my ear between gasps of pleasure. He gently rubbed his cock between our bodies. I changed the angle of my fucking to better rub against his member. My thrusts smashed into his prostate electing a yelp from my friend. Gooey pre-cum splashed against my stomach as I continued my assault. "M-more..." he groaned, this time wrapping his widening his legs to allow me to push in deeper. I hilt in his slick ass, which clenched around me as if trying to pull me in deeper. I wasn't going to last much longer, and I could tell Buizel was quickly nearing his own orgasm. I floored my pace, pushing into him faster and faster. The slick pre-cum and saliva kept the friction down to a smooth plunge into his ass.
I pressed into him at a fevered pace, lifting him up for a better angle.
"Aahh! I'm go-gonna c-cum!" he yelled right as he began to orgasm. Sticky ropes of semen shot out of his cock, coating my stomach slightly, but mostly Buizel's face. I couldn't last long after that, his orgasm clamped down on my cock with a vice grip, causing me to release my load deep into his ass. I still thrust weakly into him, pumping cum out of his ass and onto my bedspread beneath us.
Panting into his ear I muttered, "S'only gay if you kiss right?"
He blushed and said, "Y-yeah..."
My tongue traced the line of his neck to his cheek, licking up a rope of semen before pressing my lips against his muzzle. "I guess I can't change who I am... or who I'm attracted too..." He fell asleep in my arms. When I wake up, this is gonna be a bitch to clean, but for now I'm content to do the same.
"I love you Buizel..." I whispered to his sleeping face.
"I love you too..." he whispered back through his sleep.

Yeah, I'm almost done with it. Give me one more day, and I'll post it here and on my Deviantart page.

I hate pokemon now.

.
/* */

FINALLY my boobs are starting to grow. But my left one is slightly bigger than the right.
I mean fuck, it's bad enough that I'm 15 and my breasts are just starting to grow, but they're not even growing right.

Well in other news, I'm going to write another fapfic. Because I'm fucking sick like that.

It should be spelled 'athiesm'.

Writing a pokemon fapfic.

Dragonball Z sucks compared to Dragon Ball.

That new board is turning me into a furry.

In other news I just discovered I have a new fetish.

Dragon Quest is much better. And the characters in Dragon Quest aren't all angsty teens, which makes it even better.

Land slugs are slimy mollusk-brained cabbage eaters. But you are nothing. You are the human equivalent of a broken lava-lamp. Repulsive, doesn't work, 30 years behind the times, and full of oily slime. Your breathtaking arrogance is only matched by your uncanny ability to be utterly clueless as to what other people think about you. And make no mistake, they think about you. Constantly. Your actions are as opportunistic and as repulsive as maggots. Your disgusting loathsome habits clearly know no bounds. Your mere existence has for me offered proof there is no God, no hope, no justice and the most miserable future for humankind. I have seen you walking along a footpath, one of your horribly fascinating activities. You count the cement squares don't you. You even on occasion try and avoid standing on the cracks. How can someone so stupid still remember to breathe? Or are you an automaton sent by an evil foreign, or alien, power, to destroy civilization as we know it? All this, perhaps, would not be so damningly despairing were it not for the fact that I know what you do after you have picked your nose. Perhaps the less said the better, as other people, who still might have hope, could someday read this inadvertently. You snot-sniveled slimy sluptitious stool. Do you not have any reckoning of the ugliness you have wrought on the world? I have seen more convivial things than you wrapped up in newspaper in overfull bins at the fish markets. I have tried, but clearly, I have failed. I must stand firm to the realization that mere words cannot express my utmost and profound contempt and loathing for your person, your being and your existence. You are a blight against nature.

This is something that I have grown to despise quite malevolently. Your bigoted words, and your damnable actions make me sick to my stomach. I find it comedic that you are spouting this crap here, and I find it sickening that younger children might see this... There is a good saying that I am thinking of, "If you don't have something nice to say, then don't say anything at all!" Otherwise, I rather felt like that I needed to put in my two cents here. Oh, and I find it funny that you comeback with very crappy insults.

You, sir, are a stupid dumbshit who doesn't deserve a dick. Unless you are a girl, then you don't deserve your pussy. Please go replace your pancreas with a bowling ball and skydive into into man-eating animal infested waters wherein you survive without a dick, without a sphincter, without an ear, or even your nutsack. Or better yet, thread a needle with a string, then dip it in saltwater and jam it through your testicles, then put the same exact string in both of your eyeballs where it will mold and cause you to go blind. So then you will need a seeing eye dog named Butch who will chew on your infected nutsack every day for the rest of your life. When you get him to lick the peanut butter off, he'll somehow manage to choke on your tiny little shaft. Then he will die, causing you to cry out of your blind eyes and you will be left helpless crying for your dead nut guzzling dog in the street while you are mowed down by a guy in a powder blue Prius and live in pain for exactly 666 minutes before you die, finally exiling you to hell. Then (that's right, i am NOT done) Satan's minions will chew out your kidneys and stuff them in your ass that doesn't have a sphincter. Then when you talk you will sound like Al Quaeda and be pelted with rocks everywhere you go until you are hated enough to be let into the tenth chamber of hell, where your immortal soul will burn for tens of hundreds of thousands of centuries without any shit breaks.

Eventually you will fucking explode, and your guts will fly everywhere and your wife (who is not missing you at all cause she's fucking your cousin Steve) gets hit with your gay ass bowling ball pancreas and she dies and also goes to Hell to be raped by lava demons, where she'll get her cunt burned off for eternity, but your soul goes to Super Hell where they convert you to a cat fucking atheist with no liver and then they will torture you with your dead dog butch's soul and he will chew the remaining pieces of your infected nutsack off until he is forced to chew off your entire dick and shove it down your throat. You'll choke, die, and got to Extreme Hell and have your dick replaced with Hitler's dick and then they send you back up to Earth where you find a sign sticking out of your head that says 'I have Hitler's nuts!' And then when Jews read it they will get their dogs to chew out your new balls and rip off your face and then you die and go to Butch Hell and 100,000,000,000,000,000,000 Butch clones chew your balls for the rest of the fucking eternity!

Eventually one of the clones will eat your last bit of nutsack off and you will be crying from so much pain that they kick you out of Butch hell and send you back to Earth where you are forced live in an apartment with over 9,000 gay people in New Jersey until Richard Simmons breaks in your house through your toilet and forces you to do hours and hours of dancing to the oldies. And just when you think it's all over, Carrot Top comes over to do some prop comedy for you. Then, after breaking your leg, a giant koala bear breaks in through your window and chews the other off. Then you, laying there, legless Pedobear breaks in through your shower and pokes a hole in your cheek which he sticks his dick in until there's a huge meteor shower which rips through your body, and leaves you alive to feel nothing but pain and suffering. All other human beings are dead but yourself, and you can't move. Your only food comes from the occasional cockroach that climbs in through a hole in your cheek (that Pedobear made from poking you so much) and walks down close enough to your throat so you can swallow and the cum you got from Pedobear raping you. Then 30 years later, bunch of ass robot-pirate-bears come for you and start poking even more holes in your body until you bleed to death and go back to Butch hell where you belong.

Then when the Butch clones want nothing to do with you (because one of them ate your testicles off) please skin yourself with a rusty pizza cutter then pour chew tobacco and alcohol all over yourself, shove a rake up your butt and make yourself an anus just to pull it back out and tie it around a stalagmite in which you hang yourself on, then hollow out the inside of your dick and wrap the outer skin around your lips the piss and cum stream going into your mouth, stick needles in your eyeballs and shit up your nose then stick a dagger into both your eardrums and scalp yourself, put a nail on your skull then hit it with a hammer multiple times then tear your jaw off its hinge and nail it to your chin, stretch your uvula out of your mouth then wrap it around your face, cut your face down to the bone and snap both your elbows and knees rib your feet and hand off and stab all the bone ends into your lungs, then cut open your stomach and expose all your organs, grabbing your intestine and making it into a noose, then rub honey all over yourself and watch as hellbugs and hellcrabs and small hellcreatures crawl all over you and start to eat you alive for days as you lay in your own stinking pile of shit piss and sperm going into your mouth as hellrats and hellbugs and hellwasps nest living inside your organs and then splash stomach acid all over your face and chew on your own muscles and organs and tongue to prevent starvation and hellanimals crawl through your neck you choke on a hellporcupine and get spikes sticking through your jugulars and throat, then disconnect all your veins and arteries and stick the ends in your nose as blood comes shooting up your nose and filling your skull and shooting out through the small holes in your eyes caused by the needles then after months drown in your own shit.

Eventually you'll wake up still with the shit on your face, surprised to see that you have all your body parts and get raped by Michael Jackson who died from looking at your face. then he cums on your bowling ball pancreas until EVERY Butch clone comes and chews his nuts off and then the Butch clones cum on your pancreas and your face explodes. You come back as a 13 year old sexy Jewish girl in 1945, where you are in a concentration camp and you get gang raped by 666 Nazis and even Hitler himself gets so turned on by your sexiness that he ties you to the ground and smacks your face with his dick, trying to force you to give him a blowjob until he crushes your head and your brains come out and it dries to the ground so you are stuck there being cock slapped by Hitler, Michael Jackson, and your cousin Steve (who turned out to be weaselfan) until he dies and leaves you there until you die and go to hell, Satan rapes your family who is also dead. Then you try to save them and get hit by a warthog and Master Chief rapes you 7 times until his shield goes down and then he gets killed by the Arbiter who also rapes you until you have six new shit holes. You'll then lose all your precious body fluids through your new shit holes and you fucking evaporate.

You wake up in your room, still a sexy Jewish chick, but now you're lesbian and you have a penis and you got Hitler's nuts back. You don't want to be a shemale so you go in your garage and force your dick into a toaster but you just crush and toast your nuts, you are too much of a pussy to finish the job. Your junk now dangle by a small piece of skin which you tear off to use to choke your mom who accidentally eats them and dies and you fuck her corpse until her rotten cunt infuses with your small pecker and you're stuck fucking her until you die and go to Incest is Best Hell still fucking your mom to be raped in the ass by Satan himself who will eventually get his dick infused with your butthole so you'll be walking around with your mom and Satan fucking you until their members rot off. You pump your mom's corpse's stomach and get your nuts and glue them back on and after escaping the seven layers of hell where you were forced to stick your head up a million goatses, you finally make it back to Earth where you wind up somewhere in Nevada and you accidentally digest a cactus from your rectum and then when you ask an albino for directions to the nearest hospital, he ends up being Pedobear in disguise who rapes you in your ass that is filled with cactus quills and he impales his dick and it gets stuck in there. He tries to squirm it out but it gets ripped off and he dies and goes to some dimension inhabited by horny naked girls. Lucky him. A few weeks later you befriend a black furry, emo, stoner chick and one day you get really high and fuck her.

She leans over and notices your testicles are crushed and toasted and she leaves you and becomes satanic so she can go to hell and have a several way with your old girlfriend, some lava demons and now a gigantic foot. You get depressed and cut your dick off and bleed to death where you go to hell to see the hot sex both of your girlfriends are (no longer) forced to have with lava demons and the foot. This causes them pleasure but you can't get a boner or whack off because you cut off your dick, dumbass. While you are watching the three get it on in a semen covered gory, footy, orgasm, Hitler comes over, stares deeply at you then whispers in your ear "I want my nuts back" and he grabs your... I mean Hitler's nuts and pulls them until he accidentally pops one of them and his hand gets covered in his own sperm which turns him gay and he starts fucking you in the asshole but his shaft gets stuck in your butthole with Pedobear's dick and you take a very hard shit and you shit out both of their dicks fall out and you have watch Hitler eat the shitty, dicky concoction (see what I did there?) and puke them back up until your dick grows back. When it finally does, you develop a lava demon on black emo on feet on your first girlfriend fetish and you get the bad urge to jump in but you can't because you're in hell and all you can do is watch. You can't even whack off to it either or your dick would fall off and you'd have to watch Hitler eat it and puke it until it grows back.