Finally, after what felt like an eternity of searching through this godforsaken dungeon, Neo had discovered the key to the final door. He didn't know what would be behind the door, but he expected fortune; gold, ancient technology, magical scrolls, virgins, anything worth value would be good enough for him. As he turned the key he thought about what he'd do with whatever he'd find behind the door.
"If it's gold, I'll sell it. If it's ancient technology or magical scrolls, I'll use it to fight crime. If it's a bunch of horny virgins..."
His thought left along with the little bit of morale he had. No treasure was in the final room of the dungeon just the opposite. He was greeted by a relatively small cyclops, ready to attack. Neo's health was low and he had an inventory of only Mana Potions. He could have been able to heal himself, had he chosen a class with mana, he mumbled some vulgarities under his breath.
With nothing else to lose, Neo decided to just go for it. "I'm screwed either way. If I beat this thing I'm probably gonna die by some rats or something." He lunged awkwardly at the small giant, letting out a nasally battle cry. The cyclops proceeded to grab Neo by the face and throws him across the dungeon, mortally wounding him. Before he got the chance to get back up, the cyclops threw him up against a wall, then beat him into a pulp. He lay there dead, in a pool of his own blood.
GAME OVER
"Finally, I'm done with this stupid game." Neo let out a sigh of relief. He got out of his chair and was about to leave when his on-and-off friend, Arshes to grabbed him by his collar.
"Neo, you weren't even trying. You didn't even equip the Sword of Gigirahnim."
"It wouldn't have made any difference, my health was in the red"
"Oh yeah it would. You know the Sword of Gigirahnim grants you immunities to physical attacks."
"Arshes, this game is stupid. Tabletops aren't my thing. Just let me go back to playing a real game."
"Labyrinthia is a real game. You're just mad because you suck at it."
"Well I wouldn't have sucked at it if we weren't playing your version of the game," Neo snatched the Dungeon Master's booklet from him. "Look, it says you need dice. How were you even deciding the events without dice? And look, this game requires a party of four. I bet I would have stood some chance if I had somebody in my party." Neo complained
"You had a bodyguard. If you just trained her more--"
Neo cut Arshes off, "She was killed by an exploding cactus."
They continued to bicker for a while until a phone call interrupted them. It was from Greenic, Neo's friend... occasionally a friend with benefits. He answered the phone, trying to mask his frustration from the argument.
"Hey Neo. Um, I've got a problem. I'm gonna need to crash at your house for a bit."
"Really? Why?" Neo asked.
"Actually, it may be more than a bit. I... I may need to move in with you." Greenic sounded not like herself. She sounded unseasy. "I just got evicted from my apartment. I already sold the little bit of furniture I had. My parents don't want anything to do with me and the rest of my friends have 'magically disappeared'. Please, Neo, I have nowhere else to go."
Neo always had a thing for Greenic, but he has never had another person so much as spend a night over his house. Whenever Greenic stayed over, he'd need to restock the fridge, which was always an ordeal for him since he doesn't make much money either. But, he thought to himself, Greenic has a job. It's not like I'm going to be taking care of her. I'll just have to set up some house rules if I have her stay.
"Okay, Greenic. You can stay. But there's gonna be some house rules..."
And before he could tell what they are, his doorbell rang.

It was Greenic.