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Greenic was soaking wet from the storm. The only clothes she had on was a tank-top, a pair of gym shorts, and a raincoat, but the raincoat was too small for her. She was carrying a small backpack. The rain went right through the backpack, soaking the contents inside. Greenic really looked pathetic.
Neo opened up the door, but before he could greet her, she bolted inside into the living room and jumped on the couch, tossing her soaked belongings on the floor.
"Thanks for letting me crash at your place, Nee. You're such a good friend."
"Woah, hold on now," Neo exclaimed, "you're not just gonna be 'crashing' here. There are gonna be some house rules, you got it?"
Greenic sighed. She could already predict the house rules.
"Rule one: No harassing my friends and house guests.
Rule two: If you're going to be naked in the house, tell me first so I can put plastic on the furniture.
Rule three: Clean up after yourself. And be sure to put trash in the proper receptacle.
Rule four: None of your 'friends' are allowed to stay over when I'm not home.
And also you're gonna split all the bills with me."
"B-but..."
"No buts" Neo said.
Greenic started pouting.
"Your pouting technique may be strong, but it is no match for my apathy."
Greenic got down on her hands and knees. She opened up her soaked backpack. All she had was a single set of clothing, a cellphone, and a wad of cash. $300 was all the money she could get from selling everything she owned. Ironically, that was enough to pay the rent in her apartment.
"It.. it's all I've got. I'm sorry. I hope this is enough." Her eyes were watering up.
"Yes, this is more than enough. Now stop your crying. Arshes is here and I consider crying in your underwear to be harassing the guests."
"What about underwear?" Arshes came out of the other room, carrying his Labyrinthia paraphernalia up from the basement. Greenic took slight notice of the box and her mood changed completely. She sprang up and her teary frown grew into a large grin.
"Ooh! Labyrinthia? I love Labyrinthia! C'mon, Arshes, let's go play!"
"I-er.. No. Me and Neo were playing Labyrinthia, not you." Greenic scowled at Arshes and he scowled right back.
"Neo, your house guest is being rude."
"Neo, your roommate is harassing me."
Neo knew settling their squabble would be a lose/lose situation, but Arshes's scorn couldn't be as bad as Greenic's, so he took her side.
Calmly, Neo said, "Look, Arshes, just let her play. I already told you I don't wanna play that game."
Greenic's grin came back. "Thank you Neo. You're such an awesome guy." Then she rushed Arshes back into the basement. Neo decided to be nice and put Greenic's clothes in the dryer. He could hear their banter even from upstairs. Arshes was complaining that Greenic got further than Neo. It seemed that all Arshes wanted to argue about eventually had something to do with Neo. Maybe it was just a coincidence.
After a few minutes drying and folding Greenic's clothes, Neo was finally able to get some time for himself. To build atmosphere, he turned off all lights, but one small lamp near the TV. He powered up his PlayStation and popped in his favorite video game: Labyrinthia. But before he could load up a recent save file, a loud clap of thunder scared him out of his seat. Right as he calmed down there was a flash of lightning that lit up the sky like daytime. The flash cut off the power. At first Neo tried to wait it out, but a loud squeal came from the basement. Using the light from Greenic's cellphone, he stumbled across the house into the basement to check on the arguing duo. Greenic was fine, but Arshes was shaking like a leaf.
"Arshes, calm down. It's just a blackout." said Greenic, "They happen all the time. We can just wait it out. C'mon. Let's continue our game."
"No..." Arshes quivered, "This has got to be the doing of the Shadowlurker."
"The Shadowlurker!?"

There is no news button.
Now I gotta type the thing out in the URL.

It's... it's...

Beautiful!!

Some guy just wrote a short essay on how stupid I am for having less than an infinite knowledge of Dragonball Z.
He's probably gonna drag this argument on and try to get the last word until he decides to be the 'bigger man' and just ignore me.
I'd link to it, but once he finds out he's being laughed at, he'll just delete all his relevant posts.

Noooooooo!

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of searching through this godforsaken dungeon, Neo had discovered the key to the final door. He didn't know what would be behind the door, but he expected fortune; gold, ancient technology, magical scrolls, virgins, anything worth value would be good enough for him. As he turned the key he thought about what he'd do with whatever he'd find behind the door.
"If it's gold, I'll sell it. If it's ancient technology or magical scrolls, I'll use it to fight crime. If it's a bunch of horny virgins..."
His thought left along with the little bit of morale he had. No treasure was in the final room of the dungeon just the opposite. He was greeted by a relatively small cyclops, ready to attack. Neo's health was low and he had an inventory of only Mana Potions. He could have been able to heal himself, had he chosen a class with mana, he mumbled some vulgarities under his breath.
With nothing else to lose, Neo decided to just go for it. "I'm screwed either way. If I beat this thing I'm probably gonna die by some rats or something." He lunged awkwardly at the small giant, letting out a nasally battle cry. The cyclops proceeded to grab Neo by the face and throws him across the dungeon, mortally wounding him. Before he got the chance to get back up, the cyclops threw him up against a wall, then beat him into a pulp. He lay there dead, in a pool of his own blood.
GAME OVER
"Finally, I'm done with this stupid game." Neo let out a sigh of relief. He got out of his chair and was about to leave when his on-and-off friend, Arshes to grabbed him by his collar.
"Neo, you weren't even trying. You didn't even equip the Sword of Gigirahnim."
"It wouldn't have made any difference, my health was in the red"
"Oh yeah it would. You know the Sword of Gigirahnim grants you immunities to physical attacks."
"Arshes, this game is stupid. Tabletops aren't my thing. Just let me go back to playing a real game."
"Labyrinthia is a real game. You're just mad because you suck at it."
"Well I wouldn't have sucked at it if we weren't playing your version of the game," Neo snatched the Dungeon Master's booklet from him. "Look, it says you need dice. How were you even deciding the events without dice? And look, this game requires a party of four. I bet I would have stood some chance if I had somebody in my party." Neo complained
"You had a bodyguard. If you just trained her more--"
Neo cut Arshes off, "She was killed by an exploding cactus."
They continued to bicker for a while until a phone call interrupted them. It was from Greenic, Neo's friend... occasionally a friend with benefits. He answered the phone, trying to mask his frustration from the argument.
"Hey Neo. Um, I've got a problem. I'm gonna need to crash at your house for a bit."
"Really? Why?" Neo asked.
"Actually, it may be more than a bit. I... I may need to move in with you." Greenic sounded not like herself. She sounded unseasy. "I just got evicted from my apartment. I already sold the little bit of furniture I had. My parents don't want anything to do with me and the rest of my friends have 'magically disappeared'. Please, Neo, I have nowhere else to go."
Neo always had a thing for Greenic, but he has never had another person so much as spend a night over his house. Whenever Greenic stayed over, he'd need to restock the fridge, which was always an ordeal for him since he doesn't make much money either. But, he thought to himself, Greenic has a job. It's not like I'm going to be taking care of her. I'll just have to set up some house rules if I have her stay.
"Okay, Greenic. You can stay. But there's gonna be some house rules..."
And before he could tell what they are, his doorbell rang.

It was Greenic.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of searching through this godforsaken dungeon, Neo had discovered the key to the final door. He didn't know what would be behind the door, but he expected fortune; gold, ancient technology, magical scrolls, virgins, anything worth value would be good enough for him. As he turned the key he thought about what he'd do with whatever he'd find behind the door.
"If it's gold, I'll sell it. If it's ancient technology or magical scrolls, I'll use it to fight crime. If it's a bunch of horny virgins..."
His thought left along with the little bit of morale he had. No treasure was in the final room of the dungeon just the opposite. He was greeted by a relatively small cyclops, ready to attack. Neo's health was low and he had an inventory of only Mana Potions. He could have been able to heal himself, had he chosen a class with mana, he mumbled some vulgarities under his breath.
With nothing else to lose, Neo decided to just go for it. "I'm screwed either way. If I beat this thing I'm probably gonna die by some rats or something." He lunged awkwardly at the small giant, letting out a nasally battle cry. The cyclops proceeded to grab Neo by the face and throws him across the dungeon, mortally wounding him. Before he got the chance to get back up, the cyclops threw him up against a wall, then beat him into a pulp. He lay there dead, in a pool of his own blood.